The Elusive Message Girls Need Prior To Being Taught To “Lean In”

We’ve got it all wrong

I recently volunteered to teach an art class to a group of eight year-olds. I love engaging children in art. It is fun to see what their young minds come up with. Plus the conversation that goes along with is always interesting. Children are unpredictable without a doubt. It is a statement that was never more true than with this particular class.

As one of the students seemed especially fascinated with Vincent Van Gogh, I asked him how much he knew about the painter. Very little, ultimately became the answer, except for the fact of how Vincent Van Gogh had died. For those who do not know, Vincent Van Gogh shot himself. According to historical account, he did so because he was exhausted at his own perfectionistic hands and could no longer tolerate them.

As my young student blurted out the grave details of Van Gogh’s unfortunate ending, I thought it was worth it to explain the rest so that the heavy handedness of this harsh reality wasn’t left without a lesson inside. It was at that moment that one of the girls in the class called out, “I felt that way sometimes.” Her words were followed by that of a second little girl and then a third, echoing her exact same sentiments. My heart sank.

How was it that three out of a classroom of nine, made up of five boys and four girls, had experienced such performance stress at their young age that it compelled thoughts so dark and final in their heads? The questions was daunting; the reality, even more so.

The boys seemed to react like Teflon to Van Gogh’s sorry ending and the conversation to follow. But the girls? Quite the opposite.

Needless to say, I went on to explain about ‘the precious nature of life’ and ended by reminding everyone that they were ‘born enough’ and would always ‘be enough’ whether or not they ever perfected anything. Again, the boys behaved like Teflon but the girls….well, one called me inspirational and the rest agreed.

The entire exchange made me wonder if in teaching our girls to ‘lean in’ at every turn, we might have done them a disservice by not leading with teaching them that they are ENOUGH first.

Here is a prime example of that lesson truly being needed and what happens when it is overlooked. Girls, many of whom tend to be people-pleasers, need to learn that they are enough from the get-go, otherwise, most will never stop trying to be more, which, in fact, may cause them to miss out on all that they wonderfully are. It is an exhausting cycle — one obviously being felt among girls at younger and younger ages.

If we teach girls that they are enough from the beginning, we gift them with the freedom to choose to ‘lean in’ as near or as far as they want to go. But without the former, many of our daughters are succumbing to the weight of the world they’ve interpreted to be theirs and it’s just too heavy for them to carry, especially at the ages they seem to be embracing the challenge. Shows how intelligent and aware they really are a step past diapers, now doesn’t it?

Their foundations need to be built on knowing that they are enough, otherwise, they will exhaust themselves into unhappiness, depression, numbing tactics, and horrid other options that no girl or woman should ever consider. Their mental states in combination with longevity won’t have it any other way. The future can look really bleak when you realize that you can’t “cut it” just being you when you are eight. That treadmill can get really tiring, really fast when faced with this notion.

I think it is time we all became a bit more inspirational when it comes to our young girls and a tad less motivational until we do. Our message needs to be that, “You are enough. Anything else you do doesn’t make you ‘more enough’. It just makes you ‘more YOU’. And that’s a really good thing, because that is why you are here…to be YOU.”

Imagine if someone would have said that to us when we were in grade school. Our girls might not be coping with the silent crisis that this has become at such young ages. Consider this my first step on pulling back the curtain. If anyone wants to join me in doing the same in a way your talents provide, please do so. Every child deserves a childhood, especially 6–7–8 year-old girls who should be focused on “being enough” and not entrenched in “growing up too quickly.”